Sunday, 9 March 2008

My side of the story

Ok so although names haven't been mentioned, there is a post over on UKS about me. It seems that I have upset someone so much by taking the P that they are unable to sleep or eat. Now I could have ignored this 'feel sorry for me' post as my name hasn't been mentioned, but knowing that the PM system could be being used to spread the word, I have decided to give my side of the story. I have chosen to do this on my personal blog, as if I do it on UKS it will open the floodgates for a full on bitchfest, which will do no one any good.

The thread starter used to be on the same team as me, way back in the day when we were squirrels. It soon became clear to me that I wasn't going to gel with this person, and we were very different in character. We stayed on the same team for months, but the posts being made by others dwindled and dwindled, until there were only a few made a day. All of the posts made by the person in question were moaning about this that and the other.... seriously, ALL of them. It came to a point where I dreaded going on to the team thread, to be confronted with more depressing posts. I for one use UKS and other forums as a kind of escape from the hum drum of real life. We all have our problems, and whilst teamies are there to offer support, you really do not want to be hearing about someone else's moans continually. I have been through a really shocking time in the past couple of years, and whilst my online friends know about what I am going through, I wouldn't dream of inflicting my misery on them in my posts. I decided to leave the squirrels as I really couldn't face any more doom and gloom posts. It was at this point that the person in question sent me a PM asking if I was leaving because of them. I sent a PM back and told it straight. It wasn't a nasty reply, just one that stated clearly why I no longer felt that I wanted to be on the same team. My fellow squirrels sent me lovely messages of support, and we decided that we would start a new team, now that everything had been aired, and hopefully sorted. So came the Invaders... new team, new start. BUT, the person in question soon fell back into her old ways. Post after post of misery and moaning and not much else. Now I know that I am not the only person that this annoyed the living daylights out of... and so the sarcasm and teasing started. At no point was the person in question personally attacked, and neither was I the only person to be taking the P... as the UKS post would suggest. Once again it got to a stage where I felt as though I needed to take a step away from the team, for the sake of my sanity. So I started a chat thread where myself and a couple of others went to chat, away from the team.
It is at this point that I feel I should explain the form that the 'teasing' took, just so there are no misunderstandings. The person in question used to post a lot about the weather,and that was it... not a bit about the weather then move on to talk about something else... just a short statement of what the weather was doing there. So we all started to make weather reports in our posts.
In the 'none team' thread, I made a comment to the others that went along the lines of 'no weather reports today, do you think she realised we were taking the mess'. And it is that comment that made her spit her dummy out and leave the team. Now I am not upset at all that she has left the team. However, I do think that it is a tad hypocritical to post that you are so upset and affected by what was 'teasing'. Think back to the praise-a-thon saga, as a team we all took part in teasing and taking the mess out of the praise hoggers... YOU did too. YOU took part in the blatant P taking of others. So if you read a post in a thread that you weren't invited into, a post that didn't even mention your name, and saw your arse over it... think again. The teasing this time was no different to last time. And you had so many hints dropped over the past few months about being more cheerful, upbeat and jolly... You may well be upset by the comments that I made... but think how upset you would have been if I, and the others you p*ssed off, had sent you a PM telling you that we had had enough of you... maybe I should have done that... they say honesty is always the best policy!

I do not consider myself to be a bully, a cruel person or nasty in anyway. I don't however suffer fools gladly, and being the person that I am, I can be sarcastic. If this situation had arisen in real life, as in not online, I would have behaved in the same way, and it would have come across as sacastic teasing. I have a dry sense of humour, as do many of my online friends... although this may get lost in translation.
And to all those people who feel sorry for the said person... please remember that this situation has resulted from months and months of miserable posts. It would take a saint or someone else as miserable not to have responded in some way!


Jenga said...

Well said Lou. And if anyone wants to point fingers then they had better come and knock on my door too. They will get the same response. We are a team full of people who like to tease each other. If this teasing is not for you then our team is not for you. We ALL do it in some form or another. Do I see my arse over the "nothing better to do" jibes??? No I join in and take the P out of myself too. If you take yourself too seriously where is the fun? Lighthearted teasing helps lighten the daily drudge. If you would rather revel in the daily drudge - your problem my friend! Oh and by the way we tease each other in real life too - just as much if not more!

Any one want to say their piece???? My blog is open to anyone - fire away


Jemma said...

Me too!

We all tease each other, im my personal opinion one of the worst are the comments about the Dr who drinks and is of little brain. We all know in truth she is a VERY clever person and only has a wee drink but she didnt strop over it she joined in.

Its just the group of people we are, we know that no one would mean things by harm, we just want to have fun and be in a comfortable group of people where we can tease each other!

I think as normal on UKS one side of a story has been told and everyone jumps on the pitty parade.

I am another one who has gone through a lot of cr@p over the last couple of years, and you know me and what i went through / am going through, on line you are always there to support me and be a good friend, but does that stop you also taking the mick and making me laugh - no and i wouldnt want it any other way!!

I did not make the decision to move countries on a fleeting decision, i had hit rock bottom and the last thing i needed was in my leisure time to be faced with posts moaning about the weather and someone getting double the amount of holidays as me etc etc.

I actually think the person we are directing this to is a very good hearted person, and when she was in the mood was fun, however it was the doom and gloom posts that made me want to leave UKS.

I think we all need to cool down and put this under the carpet, the past is the past and we can only move forward! xx

Jemma said...

wow that was bit of an essay sorry!! Just know im 100% behind you! x

Deanne said...

bless you honey, i've never been on uks to be honest, my way is, if you cant take a joke, dont join in, in the first place. if you know what i mean xxx hugs :)

Eileen said...

I agree that you have to be able to tolerate, and even enjoy, a bit of teasing in our team - after all, I am not only a dim alcoholic doctor, it would now appear that I am also a 'lady of the night'!

I don't think that any of this started with any nasty intentions, but as one person felt uncomfortable, then she obviously wasn't in the right team for her. It does seem a little excessive to decide never to post on UKS again, I'm sure she cannot have been THAT traumatised by a little light-hearted teasing, even if she did feel there was a bit more of an edge to it.

When I've been in uncomfortable situations where I've felt more than reasonably 'got at' I've tried to withdraw discretely. Sometimes I've felt a bit wounded, but heck, I've survived.

Rach said...

{{{HUGS}}} hun xx

Don't let the ******* get you down. I think that some people aren't happy unless they've got something to moan and complain about and if things don't go their way as planned (as in they don't get the sympathy they're seeking, they throw their toys out of the pram - ridiculous for grown women, but unfortunately some people never grow up.

We're exactly the same on our team - mickey taking and I can be sooooo sarcastic at times. As far as I see it, it is part of the team banter.

At the end of the day - its her loss, not yours xx

nikki said...

"We all tease each other, im my personal opinion one of the worst are the comments about the Dr who drinks and is of little brain. We all know in truth she is a VERY clever person and only has a wee drink but she didnt strop over it she joined in. "

Really? are we talking about the same person ?? LOL

It is a shame things had to end this way - the person involved is certainly warm hearted and generous and has been very sweet to my children while she has been on the team. It is a shame she felt unable to tell us how she was feeling instead of rushing off in a huff - the thread she started put paid to any sympathy there tho - that wasnt nice or necessary. Everyone else on the team seems to have a similar sense of humour and is able to take as well as give a bit of light hearted banter. Hopefully we can carry on now as the fun, chatty, challenging team we all want to be and put this episode behind us.

SuzyB said...

Its all playground stuff Lou, dont let it get to you. God where would we be in the world if we couldnt take the piss out of people??!

I wouldnt speak for most of the day if that were the case ;o)

OMG Am I allowed to say piss??

:o)) x